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The Pilot is the pilot episode to Roomies. The episode is written by Guysponge22. Rated TV-14.

Act I

<Two boys, Ian and Josh, are seen watching TV>

Ian: I'M BORED.

Josh: Why do I care? I'm not Dr. Phil.

<Sponge bursts into his house in through the door>

Sponge: HEY GAI-<slips from floor and lands on back>...WELL *bleep* YOU TO FLOOR.

Ian: This is your house, dumbass.

Sponge: Shut it, anyhow, I brought the stuff! <pulls out beers and tobacco> 

Josh: HELL YEAH! Let's go to the basement.

<<Basement>>

Josh: Yo... you... you need some Playboy magazines man. They're nude women, MAN!

Sponge: Oh I do? I never knew... anyhow, I AM SO HIGH. <falls to ground> SO. HIGH.

Ian: ...How much did he sniff? XD Anyhow, this beer. <drinks booze> I know underage drinking is wrong. But... BERRY-FLAVORED BEER MAN!

Josh: There needs to be a pizza-flavored beer! Pepperoni and cheesy goodness!

Sponge: Hey man... <gets up> I feel like... more glue!! <sniffs glue some more> AW YEAH... THAT'S THE STUFF.

Sponge's Mom: <offscreen> Honey, pizza!

Sponge: HELL YEAH, PIZZA!

Ian: <drunk> Oh yeah... breasts.

Josh: ...Pizza doesn't have boobs, Ian. You drunk?

Ian: <stares at Josh> No *bleep* dumbass.

Sponge's Dad: <offscreen> IMMA KICK YOUR ASSES IF YOU USE THAT LANGUANGE AGAIN.

<<Sponge's Kitchen>>

Sponge's Dad: I wanna know how you dumbasses think you can say the 's' word in my house. That deserves a swift ass-whooping.

Sponge's Mom: Now, Abrar, don't say that language.

<Ian comes in with half-empty beer>

Ian: BITCHIN'. <falls to ground>

Sponge: Dammit, Ian, not NOW.

Abrar: I cannot believe you people. Know what? You're not going to the movies!

Sponge: DAD! I really wanted to see Invincible 7! It's the final installment!

Sponge's Mom: Sponge... that's what you said about the third one... and the fourth one... and-

Josh: Ms. Sponge's Mom, you can't do this. I really wanted to see that movie!

Abrar: You can't, and you won't. I will make sure of that, also, get your dumbass friend up. Anyhow, I need to get to work, I'm already an hour late.

<Ian gets up and falls back down>

Josh: Ehh... he needs a beer break...

Act II

LATER...

<Steve appears>

Ian: You brought the money?

Steve: Yup. <brings out booze and money for film tickets>

Ian: MY BABIES!

Steve: C'mon, before Abrar and Mina notice.

<The gang drives to the theater, and asks for tickets>

Ticket girl: You sure you're their Guardian?

Steve: Yeah, completely.

Ticket girl: Okay... Room 12...

<<Room 12>>

Ian: XXXZ is hilarious!

Sponge: I know, surprised the lady believed you were our guardian! I mean, you're not related to any of us!

Steve: Yeah... I'm not... Anyhow, Josh, where the heck did you get the popcorn?

Josh: I 'unno, found $30 lying around, so I picked it up. <eats some popcorn> ...EW. It tastes like crap!

Steve: Well... hey... is Ian... oh damn...

<We see Ian finishing a beer bottle>

Sponge: Can I ask something first? HOW MANY BEERS DO YOU DRINK?! <shushed> Sorry...

Ian: Usually three a week. But I'm on a roll today! 

<Ian then falls to the ground, severly drunk>

Steve <whisper>: DAMMIT! I knew I shouldn't have brought the beers!!

Ian: OOGA BOOGA BOOBIES!!

Steve: Craaaaaaaaaaaap... <theater tennant comes to Steve>

Tennant: Is... is that a beer bottle?

Ian/Steve/Josh/Sponge: NO.

Tennant: <through talkie> We have a breaker, Code 7A. I repeat, a breaker, Code 7A. I'm going to have to detach you four, till further notice.

Sponge: YOU CAN'T DO THAT!

Tennant: Yes I can. <other theater hands come in> Kick 'em out.

Theater Hand #1: Your asses are outside for now.

Steve <thought>: Damn my stupidity.

Josh <thought>: Yeah, screw you.

Steve <thought>: HOW CAN YOU HEAR MY THOUGHTS?!

Josh: Magic.

<the gang is outside>

Tennant: YOU'RE KICKED OUT.

Josh: GREAT JOB DUMBASS.

[Commercial break]

Act III

Josh: IAN, YOU GODDAMNED DUMBASS. WHY, DID YOU DRINK THOSE BEERS?!

Ian: Hey! Steve's the one who brought them!

Steve: YOU'RE THE ONE THAT FREAKING ASKED FOR 'EM!

Ian: Well... Sponge-

Sponge: You bring me into this, I cut off your finger.

<silence>

Sponge: ...Sorry...

Steve: Let's just get in the car. <everyone gets in> Oh, look, a beer from last week.

Ian: ...Last... week? <throws up on side>

<<Sponge's House, 9:14 PM>>

<Abrar is outside>

Sponge <thought>: Crap! They found out!

Abrar: Hello, son, and dumbasses... Sponge... when you go out to somewhere without permission, and with these hooligans... You realize your gonna get your ass handed to you?

Sponge: Yeaaaaaaaaaaaah. I'm-

Abrar: Don't wanna hear it. You guys go to bed, and Steve... go back home, or else.

Steve: Alright sir... <drives away> God, he is scary.

Josh: We're so screwed. 

Sponge: No dip, Sherlock! 

Abrar: Hey guys... who wants to go first? <clenches fist> Let's see... Sponge.

Sponge: Aw... dammit...

Post-credits scene

<Sponge walks to room, limping>

Sponge: Don't... don't go in the kitchen...

Ian/Josh: Why not?

Sponge: Just, don't. It's terrible.

<Ian opens kitchen door anyways>

Sponge's Mom: MARCO

Sponge's Dad: POLO

Josh: OH GOD

<Ian and Josh run, while Ian quickly grabs a beer>

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