O Red, where art thou
Biological Info
Race Human
Gender Male
Age 14
Height 5'9"
Weight 130lbs
Current Location Goldenrod City
Likes Raven, Magi, Pokémon, his mother, UTAU, Vocaloid, Coca-Cola, Mega Man, tits, boobies, hooters
Dislikes Anyone who messes with his temper, the repeated use of the phrase "LG sucks" he always hears locally
Controlled by Kab
[v · t  ]

Nigel Swan (ナイジェル・スワン), more commonly known by his nickname Kab (カブト, Kabuto), is a wandering Pokémon trainer from the Kanto Region. He is controlled by Nigel Victor Swan.


It all began when Kab woke up in the morning one day and finally realized he should go on a journey where he beats wild animals into submission, traps them into tiny prison balls, turns them into killing machines, and forces them to repeat the process on their very own brothers and sisters. Kab must have had a f*cked up mind to come up with such an idea. But hey, he could beat up other kids' pets for money along the way, so the idea sounded profitable to him.

So he got up and told his mother that he'll go do just that, and he'll come home claiming he finally accomplished something profitable in life. He first decided to head off to the tall grass just outside his town, but he was stopped by the local veterinarian, Professor Kush. Instead, he lead him to his lab and he met Goge, who would soon become Kab's rival. Kush told them they could pick a Pokémon to start their Uchiha Massacre-like journeys, and that Kab gets to pick first. He decided to pick a Charmander of course, because he wanted to be a dick and make sure Goge won't get something that eventually will turn into a badass dragon. Goge seeked vengeance, so of course he picked the Pokémon that was strong against Charmander. Motherf*cker picked the damn Squirtle. And if he wasn't persistent enough, Goge challenged Kab to a battle. The Charmander managed to crit and OHKO'd Squirtle. Goge cried himself to sleep that night.

And so Kab began his journey, burning down Petalburg Woods while using Ember on one of the bug catchers' Metapods. Every single being burned up in the forest, and resulted in Charmander evolving straight into a LVL100 Charizard. Kab gave no f*cks about training his other 5 Pokémon slots and swept all 8 gyms with his Charizard 'till the Elite Four. Kab currently has a bounty of 9,001 Nonillion Euros on his head for multiple acts of murder and arson of personal property... and the very own person of said property. He said "F*ck you" to the guy blocking Cerulean Cave and took the Master Ball he got earlier to catch Mewtwo. Then he swept the shit right out of the Elite 4's pants. He also burnt Goge's ass off too. He entered the Hall of Fame with his Charizard and Mewtwo, and then they made a million dollars.


While mostly a nomadic person focusing on the goal of beating up creatures and trapping them in tiny prison balls and to turn them into killing machines while beating up other kids' pets for money along the way, Kab's mostly a silent lonely teen. He has a quick temper, so it isn't hard to piss him off which results in him either ramming and pinning the person that pissed him off into a wall and constricting the person by their neck and kneeing them in the genital regions followed by a headbutt at the person's face; other alternative methods include Kab taking out his pocket knife and shanking the person in the midriff several times, or taking out his lighter and setting their clothes on fire before kicking them away a few meters. He can also kill all your pets by using his 1500+ Stat Total non-Mega Evolved Mewtwo. He also seems to get pissed off when someone says the phrase "LG sucks", though he doesn't rage because of the concept of the phrase; rather, he rages at how common the phrase is that it's extremely annoying to him. Long story short, piss him off and you get fucked up bad.

Kab claims to be an otaku, though claims that common phrases like "waifu" are irritating; he also over-pronounces Japanese words in a Japanese accent, i.e. pronouncing "Ranmaru", "Lun-maroo". Among other things, he's obsessed with spending most of his time with his girlfriend, visiting her as well as Kab's mother every so often to take a break from covering the world in the blood of all the Pokémon he stomps with his Mewtwo. Their bones are so broken by now that even a Pokémon Center wont be able to heal them in time. The lesson is that you don't wanna f*ck with Kab's Mewtwo.


  • Superhuman Strength (Only when pissed off)
  • Humanoid Physiology (Duh.)
  • The ability to not give any f*cks to Goge
  • Sweeping entire Pokémon games
  • The ability to not give any f*cks to Fury

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